Therapists and Narcissism

Choosing a therapist without sufficient knowledge and experience with narcissism can have negative consequences when you're in a relationship with, are the child of, or co-parent with a narcissist.

Incorrect Advice Supports Narcissistic Behavior

A therapist unfamiliar with narcissistic dynamics can unintentionally reinforce manipulation and control. They might focus on the empathic person's "faults," encouraging them to be more understanding and give the narcissist more space, which worsens the situation for the recipient of the narcissistic behavior. In couples therapy, the narcissist can use the therapist to legitimize their behavior and make their partner doubt themselves.

Inability to See Through the Narcissist

Narcissists are often charismatic, persuasive, and articulate. They readily convince others they are the victim. A therapist lacking experience with narcissism can be fooled by this facade, exacerbating the harm caused. Even experienced therapists can take time to identify the subtle signs of narcissism. Without proper knowledge and personal experience, the therapist might unintentionally maintain the harmful dynamic.

Risk of Retraumatization

Being misunderstood by a therapist can be retraumatizing. Sharing your experiences with someone who lacks the necessary knowledge can lead to shame, guilt, and isolation. Finding a therapist who validates your experiences and provides appropriate support for trauma processing is critical.

Resistance and Critical Thinking

A good therapist should challenge your perspective if you’re wrongly accusing a partner of narcissism. Sometimes, a person with narcissistic traits accuses their partner of the same. Other times, clients use "narcissism" to justify their anger, avoiding personal responsibility. A skilled therapist helps you examine your role in the dynamic.

Beyond Talk Therapy

Narcissistic manipulation has a profound energetic impact. Healing may require therapy combined with emotional regulation techniques and energy work to reclaim your energy and sense of self. Talk therapy raises awareness but doesn’t always clear the energetic impact from your system.

The Need for Specialized Expertise

Dealing with narcissism requires specific knowledge. Find a therapist specializing in narcissism, who understands abusive dynamics. It’s your responsibility to find the right therapist. Ask about their experience with narcissism and seek another if you don’t feel safe or understood.

Valuable resources: Dr. Ramani Durvasula, Professor Dr. Sam Vaknin and Dr. Lundy Bancroft.