Sexuality and Intimacy in the Relationship
Sexuality and intimacy are essential elements in a relationship, but navigating this complex landscape requires awareness, understanding, and a willingness to embrace both similarities and differences between partners if you want to take the relationship from stage 1, through stage 2, and to stage 3.
A central aspect is the polarity between the masculine and the feminine. This polarity, which can be described as a magnetic force, is often the driving force behind attraction and passion. In the sexual dynamic, polarity often manifests itself in a dance between the one who wants to "penetrate and direct" and the one who longs to "surrender and be penetrated." When this dance works, it can lead to a deep and ecstatic experience for both parties, which can lead to increased inner growth, insight, and deeper heart connection.
Polarity and Friction
But the same polarity that creates magic in the bedroom can create friction in everyday life. Relationships suffer when the couple forgets to nurture and explore polarity consciously, which can result in sexual energy seeping out of the relationship and seeking other channels. To maintain healthy and vibrant intimacy, it is essential that the couple is able to communicate openly and honestly about their sexual needs, fantasies, and boundaries.
Women often have a more complex and nuanced sexuality than men. Their desire can take longer to awaken, and they have the potential to experience multiple orgasms, which can give them energy and openness, unlike men, who often feel drained and closed after ejaculation.
Embracing the Woman's Sexuality
It is crucial that women learn to embrace their sexuality without shame and to communicate their needs openly to their partner. Faking orgasms or having sex out of duty can have an absolutely devastating effect on your own energy system and is not recommended. For his part, it is crucial that he can embrace a "she comes first" approach, where he waits to come until she has been met and has been satisfied. It requires a curiosity on the part of the man to develop his own sexuality so that he can last longer, and not least that he is inquisitive and dares to make "mistakes." Every woman is different, and the best and only way to find out what she likes is by trying things out and learning to read her signs.
Embracing the Man's Sexuality
Men's sexuality is often more visual and more focused on ejaculation. In many cases, they may have a greater need to talk about sex and to explore sexual fantasies. Although they may feel affirmed by the woman's pleasure, it is important that they do not let the woman's orgasm become an end in itself, as this can create a performance focus that inhibits genuine and deep connection. It is about being present with her and prioritizing presence and the ability to keep the focus on her, both outside the bed and in bed.
Over-Responsibility
Over-responsibility can be a creeping enemy of intimacy in the relationship. Women may have a tendency to take on an over-responsibility to create security and trust in the relationship by offering sex, which can lead them to suppress their own needs and lose touch with their own desire and body. This ultimately ends in a breakup, as the sex life for her is more or less shut down. She may, in that case, end up feeling contempt, disgust, and aversion towards him. Men may feel an over-responsibility to "fix" problems, also in the sexual sphere, where he loses the emotional connection to her and primarily has an external, physical focus on her or his own pleasure.
Final Thoughts
Nurturing intimacy in a relationship requires a sustained effort. It is about creating a space where vulnerability, play, and honesty can flourish. It is about meeting each other with curiosity and acceptance and understanding of our diversity and remembering that the sexual journey is a dance that can unfold together, step by step towards deeper togetherness and more ecstasy. This requires a deeper openness from both parties, and this is where the biggest challenge lies for many.
Getting the black belt in intimacy is especially a challenge for many men as the number of women who get pleasure from sex is far lower than men (the orgasm gap). Many exciting works have been written on this very topic and the difference between the sexes and not least about the importance of open communication.
The short version, however, is that if she is willing to be open in her communication and allows herself to feel, set her own boundaries, and say no and yes, and he is open to listening and adapting to her reactions, then a couple can go a long way. A trap here is that many men find it difficult to handle that she is open about her sexuality and find it difficult to embrace her wildness and lust. This requires deep inner work for him who is there.'
