Gaslighting and Narcissism
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where someone tries to sow doubt about your reality and memory. This form of psychological abuse can severely impact your self-esteem and mental health. It involves twisting the truth, such as denying something that actually happened.
The purpose of gaslighting is to make you question yourself and your judgment so the narcissist can gain control. It's often gradual and subtle, making it difficult to identify until you’re deeply entrenched in the relationship.
How Gaslighting Happens
Gaslighting takes many forms. Typical signs include:
Denial of Reality: The narcissist denies events or statements, even with clear evidence.
Questioning Your Memory: They insist you’re misremembering or exaggerating. They might say, "You're always so dramatic," "You're imagining things," or "You have a bad memory."
Trivializing Your Feelings: Your feelings are dismissed, making you feel overly sensitive or crazy. Common phrases include: "You're too sensitive," "You're overreacting," or "I was just joking."
Isolating You: The narcissist isolates you from friends and family by badmouthing them or questioning their loyalty, making you more reliant on their version of reality.
Inducing Guilt and Shame: They blame you for all the relationship problems, making you feel guilty and inadequate. They might suggest, "You should go to therapy," "You need to work on yourself," or "Maybe you should see a psychologist."
Coping with Gaslighting
Recognize the signs and seek help. Breaking free is challenging because gaslighters maintain their distorted narratives, however absurd. Support from understanding friends, family, or a therapist is crucial for rebuilding self-esteem and escaping the toxic dynamic.
A helpful phrase is, "You know that's not true." Then, disengage from the conversation. Withdraw when possible, connect with supportive people, and seek help to address your inner turmoil. If you're constantly questioning yourself and what they said, address your energy system first.
Gaslighting in Parent-Child Relationships
Gaslighting also occurs in parent-child relationships. A narcissistic parent can use it to control the child's reality, hindering healthy self-perception. This can leave the child with deep-seated insecurity and self-doubt, uncertain whom to trust. The goal is to isolate the child, making them solely reliant on one adult.
Resources for further study: Dr. Ramani Durvasula and Professor Dr. Sam Vaknin.
