Her Choice, His Worth: Earning Deeper Connection
You Both Share the Responsibility
You both have a responsibility to reconnect when the bond falters. One person cannot make that decision alone, no matter how much we long for deeper connection, love, intimacy, and sex. Choosing the relationship is a conscious choice both parties must make. Remember that it’s a shared dance, where you take turns opening up. Also remember that she has the lead in opening you. A woman should never be “opened up”; she opens herself when you are truly ready.
You Can’t Force the Connection
No one can impose their deepest desires on another, and you cannot wake your partner through frustration that she doesn’t “give” you enough sex if she’s closed off and doesn’t want you. Instead, you awaken her by seeing her from the heart—as she truly is—and by deeply appreciating who she is. If she lets you into her most vulnerable space, you bear the profound responsibility to act with the highest integrity. She won’t open if you carry expectations that she “should” because you’ve “worked on yourself” or gone to couples therapy, especially if your sole motive is just to get more sex. That path is almost certainly misguided.
A Woman Must Choose You
Don’t Pressure Her It’s the woman who initiates the opening to deeper connection, and she must decide whether you are worthy to see her more intimately. You must accept her assessment and pay attention if she finds you unworthy. Is she emotionally immature, or is there something within yourself you haven’t addressed? Is there something she hasn’t resolved internally or in the relationship? Always start by working on your own issues and let her take responsibility for hers.
Know When She Isn’t Ready
If she consistently remains closed to you, perhaps there’s more for you to work on. But it may also mean she’s not the right partner for this journey. Even if she says she wants to open up, she may not be truly ready to do so. Sometimes, she simply isn't ready—she may have deep inner work to do, unresolved trauma, or emotional processing that takes time.
The choice is now yours: do you wait and see if she one day becomes ready? We have seen couples where she was going through intense inner processes and only later became ready. She may genuinely want to open up and receive you as a man later, but she might be at a stage where it’s simply not possible. It is up to you to take responsibility for your decision to either stay, go or wait longer.
