Children in the Relationship

Children can have a significant impact on a couple's relationship, both positively and negatively. They can be a source of joy, love, and togetherness, but they can also be a source of stress, conflict, and challenges.

Responsibilities and Roles

Often, an imbalance arises in the relationship when children arrive, as women often take on a greater share of the responsibility for childcare. This can lead to frustration for the woman, who feels overburdened and inadequate, and irritation for the man, who feels excluded from family life. It is important that the couple actively works to create an equal distribution of responsibility so that both partners feel involved and valued.

Communication

The changed dynamics in the relationship after children arrive can also lead to communication problems. Fatigue, stress, and lack of time for each other can mean that the couple forgets to talk about anything other than practical matters. It is important to prioritize creating time and space to talk about feelings, needs, and expectations.

Intimacy

Children can also affect intimacy in the relationship. Lack of sleep, changes in the woman's body, and the constant presence of children can make it difficult to find time and energy to nurture the sexual part of the relationship. It is important to remember that intimacy is not just about sex, but also about being present, touching each other, and showing love.

Conflicts

Disagreements about parenting, division of household chores, and time for the relationship can lead to conflict. It is important to learn to handle conflicts constructively, in a way that does not harm the children or the relationship.

Tips for Navigating the Relationship with Children

• Expectation Alignment: Talk about your expectations for parenthood, both before and after the children arrive. Be open to making adjustments and changing responsibilities.

• Time for Each Other: Prioritize making time to be together as a couple, without children. It's obvious, but far too many forget it in everyday life. Sleeping with the children can be nice, but it is not always appropriate for the relationship.

• Open Communication: Talk openly and honestly about your feelings, needs, and challenges.

• Distribution of Responsibility: Ensure an equal distribution of responsibility for parenting and household chores. Check in with each other to see if you both feel it's fair. If not: Do something about it. Also, remember that if one party brings home the income, that is implicitly something that must be taken into account in the conversation.

• Self-Care: Remember to take care of yourselves, both physically and mentally. It's obvious to women, but often they don't have time for it - ask for some time for this. For men, it can be "a little too easy" sometimes because women are often giving and understanding on this point. Make sure it is evenly distributed - or distributed according to the load.

It is important to remember that all relationships are unique. What works for one couple may not necessarily work for another. However, the most important thing is to be open to each other, to communicate, and to work together to create a loving and safe environment for both children and parents, and to remember that you have to find your own way together. Further inspiration: Listen to this podcast episode.